Unspoken truths
by RebeccaSwan
Summary: My take on the imminent Emma/ Hook confrontation in 3x20. (Or at least hopeful confrontation.) Angsty and emotional. Killian's PoV. After a brooding night following the dock scene in 3x19 Killian Decides to fend for himself (finally)


**A/N: This is my way of coping with 3x19's events. Killian PoV**

It all came out wrong that day.

He didn't know what else he could've possibly do, but he wasn't the type to excuse himself when he felt his judges weren't going to listen to his words at all.

After the events that took place at the docks with goddamn Zelena, he retired himself in his room at Granny's. That night was long and full of thoughts; in the morning he came to the conclusion that besides his actions towards the mermaid he otherwise kept himself on a good path of actions, so he was a little resentful over the reactions he got the day before about his attempt to bring Henry to safety.  
He was surprised to hear a knock on the bedroom door and, before he could get up Emma's voice said "We need to search for Zelena, I'll be waiting outside Granny's for David to get Regina and Robin and join me. You should come with us, we might need a sword."  
And she was gone.

He hurried himself up. No matter what they said to him the day before, he couldn't let her walk into the lion's den without doing his best to protect her. Whether she liked it or not.

She was waiting in front of the diner walking up and down the pavement.  
"Swan" he said simply. She looked up and said coldly "They're on their way"  
"Is this how it's going to be? If I'm such a liar why call on me for help?" he teased, trying to conceal his preoccupations on the matter. Emma rolled her eyes and replied: "We're not talking about this right now. Besides I'd rather keep an eye on you and be sure Henry's far away". It was like the first days in neverland all over again.  
"Swan you know I'm telling the truth, let's face it. I didn't lie about the potion, and I was to tell you about me being cursed, but she threatened your family. You can't lose your magic and I _will not_ be the mean to that end, ever, understood? I was trying to give you time to defeat her and I was so worried about Henry that I thought letting him go was far safer. It wasn't up to me to decide upon your son's life. But what possible choice DID I have?" he was raising his voice, angry mostly at himself and his actions but he looked straight to her and he clenched his jaw, holding back his anger quite unsuccessfully.  
Emma let her cold facade go and snapped "You should have told me! It was too riscky, because you can't protect 3 or 4 people at once, you almost put everyone of them in danger!" she screamed.  
Killian lowered his head but kept the tone and said:  
"Emma it was an impossible choice! I tried my best and I hate myself for it but I meant no harm, I just didn't know what to do! I know how much your son means to you but I know how much your magic means to this town and your family and well.."  
"What?What else?" she insisted.  
He took a long painful breath, his throat aching from the screaming, and said "I couldn't bear taking away your powers because that's what makes you who you are Emma, and I can't have you to hate me, because you're the only thing that keeps me right!"  
Emma almost took a step back and looked trapped. He thought of the words he said and he asked himself if she was ready to hear them, but he continued anyway, sensing some sort of relief pending on that conversation yet to come. "I was desperate and careless for three hundred years before I first met you, and meeting you had changed me, you know that. The moment I lost you I lost any hope too see you again, and I asked myself what was left for me in that life. My historical enemy was dead, or so I thought but I didn't feel any better, I was back in a land where I only knew torments, you were unreachable and didn't remember a single thing about me or any of this. I made a mistake Emma, I put my old life back on top of the list of my priorities and by doing that I wronged Ariel. The greeny sorcerer dig into my regret and my shame, had me beg for forgiveness and cursed me. She ruined me, just like I ruined myself last year. But you know why I'm fighting her so hard? Because when I went back to pirating and felt like that life couldn't compare to the one I got to know with you, I did my best to bring you back, right the wrongs and be worthy of your forgiveness, but she wanted me broken, and she wanted you to pay for my mistakes. She took my friend away and now she's trying to take you away from me too. I won't let that happen. I will only lose you by your decision, I will not let that bloody woman use me like a puppet."  
He said the last bit of this unable to look up to her face, but the silence was too oppressing now that he'd finished and he started to search her eyes, and he found them, surprised and with this tiny tear slowly falling on her right cheek. He saw both pain and relief in her eyes. And then a voice shouted "Emma, Hook let's go! To the farmhouse, run!".


End file.
